I Know Exactly What I’m Doing I Just Don’t Know What That Is

Dark Matter makes up more that 90% of the universe

 

Know Thyself, the wise ones say. We’ve all heard it and yes, its profound but…what does that mean, exactly? What do we think we know? We are spinning around the sun at about 8000 mph in a universe that is expanding at a whopping 385,000 miles per second. Our history books only go back 15,000 years but we have found human remains that are over 100,000 years old. We don’t know where we came from and we’re not sure why we’re here yet “knowing” I’m not good enough” is something so many of us are convinced is absolutely true. Why?

We catch a measly 2000 bits of information per second even though there are 400 TRILLION available to us. Why are we so CERTAIN that our vision of this world, our past, our lives, our Selves is “the truth”?  Have you ever wondered why we say “the truth” and “a lie”? It infers that there’s only one truth but we can see from our history that truth changes as we evolve. Galileo was found guilty of heresy when he discovered the sun at the center of our galaxy and when they asked him if he had anything to say for himself before they sentenced him, he simply replied “and yet she spins”.

So, what is the truth of you? At the moment we are conceived, the code of our existence is already written within us. That code knows when your teeth will grow in, at what age you will hit puberty, when your hair will turn grey and when your eyes will fail. It’s already there. All you need written inside of you. I don’t think its knowledge we need as much as remembrance. All you “need” to do is remember, “It” knows and so do you!

 

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open up doors where there were only walls”

~Joseph Campbell

 

 

Behave Your Wei

Some therapists, Freudian, Jungian etc. focus on the past because knowing the source of the feelings that drive our behavior can free us from emotional pain and allow us a sense of peace that comes when we understand WHY we feel the way we feel. Some spiritualists place the focus on our higher selves or super-consciousness and this too, frees us to a degree because we are able to rise above fear as we learn to truly trust the God in which we profess our belief. Others, our personal development types perhaps, will turn your attention towards the future, goals, vision, business plans etc. which also serve us but only as long as it aligns with our inner core values opposed to running up directly against it. (Those who tell me they value family then proceed to tell me they work 70 hours a week).

SO many of us think we know the theory of success and happiness yet VERY few us have learned how to actually capture it, OWN it and live IT! When push comes to shove, where the tire meets the road as my coaching friends like to say, it comes down to behavior aka action. THE only way you can KNOW IT is to DO IT. Talking about a healthy lifestyle doesn’t influence anyone but modeling it…requires not persuasion. You WANT IT? Live it. You want it for others? MODEL IT. Want IT for the World. BE IT. Game over!

The end.

Time IS Money

Lots of people say that time is money. I understand this from the mind-set of a person who works for someone else because employees exchange time for money. I understand this from an entrepreneurial mind-set because time IS valuable and the value of that time, just like the value of a house is whatever the market will hold on that day. I understand this from a life perspective because the average life expectancy is 74 years old and most people sleep 32 of those years away. TIME IS VALUABLE! It actually makes money seem pretty inconsequential… but on we go 🙂

So, time IS NOT just the measurement we observe ticking away on a clock. Time is really so, SO much more! We can’t really, or don’t really want to, comprehend it but time doesn’t actually move. We move through it in our own unique and individual kind of way. It’s like a frozen river that contains every scenario, every possibility, every combination of situations that we could ever imagine and we, in our “now moment” (and YES, that is science talking), flow through it “choosing” what “want” to experience. (There is WAY too much to say here so I AM going to save that for another day!)

If there is only ONE energy in the universe, as both ancient wisdom and modern science suggests, then is the same not true for money? …just sayin’

Link to Just a Thought by Danelle blog: Expre$$ion https://justathoughtbydanelle.wordpress.com/2011/12/08/expreion/

The Answer

I had a client tell me last year that she wanted to quit her corporate job to pursue a life that meant something to her. We set a deadline for six months out and five months into the plan, she was hysterical. She called me in tears (you know who you are, Sister!) because “How am I going to survive without my job!”. When I asked her what she was afraid may happen, she said “I’m going to lose my house!”. Then I asked her what would happen if she lost her house and she said, nearly sobbing “I don’t know! I never wanted it in the first place”.

It seems that today, so many people feel like they are lacking, missing SOME thing that they need to feel whole and complete, happy, peaceful. We are spending beyond our means, killing ourselves with stress over paying for those things and going to work at jobs we hate to maintain a lifestyle we don’t even want but the purpose, the meaning the what-makes-life…life is somewhere “out there” waiting for US to arrive.

Understanding is the bridge between knowledge and wisdom, Kids. I can tell you what it was like to visit the Philippines (BEAUTIFUL! Hi Cousins!) but you can’t really comprehend it unless you’ve been there. So, when someone says to me “Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it!”, I can’t help but think that I can give you a book… videos… VOLUMES of information about how to drive a car but you won’t really know how to drive until you do it. And, then you have to practice. AND, there are SO many variables!! 🙂

Knowledge of something does NOT a master make. “The answer”, the “thing” that we are all seeking is NOT AN END RESULT. IT’S AN UNDERSTANDING. There is background information, assumptions and beliefs. IT is relative…to the moment, the individual, to the time, the situation, the everything else there is in the universe. There IS no point of arrival…just another flight of stairs to climb. Whichever flight you choose. If you want. When you want. LOL Will the coach in my brain EVER stop!!

And, the moral to the story is that THE ANSWER IS WITHIN YOU and IT IS WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE. Surprise! God loves YOU!

Pretty Little Packages

I was on the phone with a client a few years ago and I could hear her daughter, then about 8 years old, trying to teach her little brother about time. She said “This is time” while showing him a little toy clock and he said “No! It’s not!”. “YES!” She insisted becoming more and more adamant and in his frustration he began “the chant” (you know the one all children use to taunt and tease each other) “That’s not true! That’s not true! That’s not time! That’s needles and glue!” Pretty dang smart for a 6-year-old with autism!! 🙂

We like to think of things like time and money, energy and universal law, reality Itself, as fixed and constant. We prefer to see things in this fashion when really this is simply a means of measurement, not THE things themselves. The reality is that time, like lots of “things” we pretend we know when really we know NOT, is woven into the fabric of space and is relative, meaning different things at different “times” (pun intended) to different people depending on the circumstances. There is an exception to EVERY rule but we like to put parameters around things so we can “understand” them better and this makes us feel better, safer in some way.

It’s these not-so-pretty little packages that coaches seek to identify for in them lie the limitation from which our clients are trying to break free. They may sound like “I can’t do that because my parents told me…blah” or “I have to be REALISTIC” or one of my favorites “When I succeed at blah, THEN I’ll believe I can do it”. Wha…??? It’s this circular kind of thinking that traps us and the only way off of this merry-go-round from-hell is to step back and question the stories we tell ourselves about our past, our Selves, this universe, this life. Go ahead and RIP THEM OPEN (and by this I mean the REST IN PEACE kind of RIP!) because it’s the only way to discover the truth: Whatever you are seeking “out there” lies in wait WITHIN YOU. ❤ Happy Random Day!! (but I'll save that story for another time!)

The Push-Off

We’ve all heard the saying that “The darkness defines the Light”. Like, we need to have sadness so we appreciate joy. I always hated that. I saw it as just the same old story, “the glass is half full” aka merely avoiding the truth that life can suck. What the hell? Who drank my freaking juice?! Why do I only get half? It took me a while, 15/20 years perhaps 🙂 to realize the deeper Truth in this lesson.

I like to think of yin and yang, light and darkness, positive and negative, not as opponents but as allies, interdependent, one unable to exist without the other. Aikido is a form of spiritual martial arts that uses the premise of turning the energy back upon itself and the concept allows me navigate my judgment of a life that is good or bad, satisfying or scary, fulfilling and meaningful or empty. I’ve grown to realize that not only can I use my fear to push me towards security but the depth of the darkness creates an equal catalyst for light.

The biggest obstacles in our lives are the ones that give us the greatest strength. The very “stories” that haunt us as children turn into our inner demons until we release them into the Light where they become our purpose in life. The darkness is where the keys to our prisons are hidden so don’t avoid them. Don’t label them as “bad” and try to wish them away because they are there FOR you. They are there to serve you on your path to inner peace and freedom.

Tears in My Ears

I was just a teenager when my father died and, of course, I will never forget all the nights I cried myself to sleep. As I grew older and began to understand life and death, the pain began to subside but one night still stands out clearly in my mind. I was reading a book about death and dying and Elizabeth Kubler Ross spoke of the mixed feelings that arise when one cries while in bed and the tears roll into our ears. I was all too familiar with this feeling so it made me smile a little when I read it. I began to understand that even though my grief remained, the emotions were making me aware that my wounds were healing and that someday, even though the pain of my loss would never leave me, the tears would eventually stop and I would BE okay.

Einstein said “energy cannot be created or destroyed”. Nothing in this universe actually dies but is simply transformed from one state of BEing into another. This process happens on and on, all day long into infinity and the only constant in this universe is that things are forever changing. The only question we need to ask ourselves is will we recognize the gain that will follow the loss, will we allow the joy through the tears, the Light in the darkness, the good in the bad. If the answer is “yes”, the transformation will be positive. So, let’s just go for that. Just let the answer be “yes”.

Perception of Threat

Our human brains are wired for certain things. One of the first patterns we are programmed to see, for example, are threats to our personal being. Our brains are programmed to first identify anything in our environment that may harm us. This perception-of-threat response keeps us safe but sometimes we can believe there is a threat where there is not one and THAT can be a very volatile place for the mind-body to BE. I could be sitting in my living room, loving and peaceful Danelle until someone breaks through the front door and all of the sudden, I can become a killer. (I once had a client respond to this statement by saying “Remind never to come over to YOUR house unannounced!” Thanks Mr Chris!)

I thought of this the other day because I was discussing feelings about other people’s success with a client. She was frustrated because colleagues of hers were having success that she was not having yet. She felt threatened by their success, as though there was only so much to go around and that she was somehow missing out. In MY mind, their success was a great indicator that she too would succeed but she was fighting feeling of needing to protect herself. The perception of threat response was now stuck “ON” and will remain so until she confronts her fear and proves to the brain that no threat exists.

The competition model is yesterday’s news. Darwin’s “die-off of the weak” was twisted into our current version of “Survival of the fittest” by his predecessor (the very same man who claimed that Darwin didn’t believe in God) but if anyone cares to read “Origin of Species” you will find that neither of these statements were made by Darwin himself. THIS is why it’s SO important that we take the time to observe and make judgment for ourselves. If we are, as science now claims, a part of ONE thing then the competition model equates to cancer and IT’S TIME FOR HUMANITY TO GET HEALTHY

Inside Out

When I first started observing the ways of the mind, I realized that I had learned to mistrust my intuition. I had learned that my emotions were unstable (go figure emotions were always, as is their nature, in motion) and so I tended to over-analyze EVERY thing even though experience proved that my mind alone didn’t have the answers. I discovered that I would think and Think and THINK “it” to death and then still make spur-of-the moment decisions based on how I felt at the time. It didn’t require much thought to see that this was illogical, irrational. I decided to experiment with making decisions based on how I felt but I found out all too quickly that this approach suffered the same flaws. I could feel it, Feel it, FEEL IT but this too was incomplete and failed to bring me to the answers I was seeking.

Then, when I was guided to the teachings of the native American medicine wheel, I found the approach that worked for me. I was already familiar with the concepts of the four elements, the four worlds, the four bodies and the four directions but the wheel revealed to me how to honor all aspects of my mind when making decisions about my life. I learned to first tap into my feelings about a given situation before moving into my reasoning mind to solve the problem. I found that if I could “jump” back and forth from what I thought about my feelings to what I felt about my thoughts, I had a much more complete understanding of what I truly wanted and the actions required to get me where I wanted to go. It’s important that we practice this integration our hearts AND our minds instead of pitting them against one another because peace can only come from the inside out.

Chosen to BE

You guys here me speak a lot about process and how everyone wants to arrive already even though we “know” life is found in the journey and not the destination. I mention it often because I think it’s easy (or convenient) to forget that what we want for tomorrow is created today, right here, right now. I think it’s easy (or convenient) to forget that we will get there as quickly or slowly as we choose and that is rooted, not in some out-there force but within our own desire to change. It’s easy (or convenient) to forget that true change, REAL transformation is not just something we do until we reach some imaginary deadline but something we are because WE HAVE CHOSEN TO BE no other way.

BEing healthy is not when you reach a weight or a size or a percentage. These things represent a very small part of being healthy. We set short-term goals and expect long-term results and then write the story in our minds that we’re just not good enough or not meant to succeed and all this really does it allow us to rationalize why we should just go on with our self-destructive behaviors. Tricky little ego 😛 DON’T TAKE THE BAIT!!

Choose to BE, not just until you reach the finish line but because you will then forever KNOW YOU CAN WIN

Emotional Endurance

OK! So, we’ve talked about emotional flexibility and strength so I’m sure all you fellow dorks are on the edge of your seats to hear about emotional endurance 🙂 As the name implies, emotional endurance is all about the long game. What is going bring you long-term results that create lasting change? To be able to allow emotion to come and go without resistance or judgment, we must be able to mold our mind-set in a way that is COMPLETE.

At first, it’s kind of like holding your arms in the air. You can do this through an act of will but only for so long before gravity wins and you are forced to change your stance. This is what most people do in an attempt to defeat the 90% unconscious mind but ninety beats ten 90% of the time, right? You HAVE to truly BELIEVE that you can do it before you ever have a shot at getting “it” done. At first it feels like faith but once you know the process works, belief turns into to knowing and once you know it, you don’t have to believe it any more!

The trick is to work through these conflicts in an integrated kind of way. We want to be able to work on the long-term goal of identifying and re-writing our limited belief systems while working applying our process through disciple of mind, body and spirit. Translation: If you come to me to get healthy we’re going to work on the belief systems that made you unhealthy in the first place (and THAT may take a while) but that’s not going to stop me from putting you on that treadmill TODAY

Emotional Strength

I love the way the Toltec tradition teaches about spiritual growth. They approach personal development as a war because, according to their teachings, we have to fight for our Selves, for the life we want to live, for what we believe in and the battlefields are found within our own minds and bodies. This internal war is won only when we choose to stop hurting ourselves and indulging in things that we know are harmful to us like stress, bad foods, addictions, blah-blah-blah…you know the drill.

If emotional flexibility is being able to allow emotion to come and go without judgment or resistance then emotional strength is the refusal to move against the self and not allowing our emotions to drive us to act in ways that move us away from our goals. Power has been defined as “ones ability to act”. If we KNOW that indulging in self-deprecating dialogue, worry, doubt etc. takes us away from the life we want to BE living then we MUST CHOOSE not to indulge. The way to take control over your environment is to first take control over your own thoughts and behaviors.

Emotional Flexibility

We are trained at a very young age to seek out pleasure and avoid pain. Sounds logical, right? But, this concept can cause a lot more harm that one might realize. It teaches us to judge our feelings as good and bad, right and wrong, when in reality, emotions are a signal that moves between the body and the mind. Just as a symptom in the body signals an imbalance that needs to be addressed, emotional pain is our signal of a wound that needs to be tended to or it will become increasingly more painful NOT the other way around. Whoever said “Time heals all wounds” was obviously never bitten by a poisonous snake or been a victim of appendicitis!

Emotion is, like every thing, energy and energy never stops moving. Emotion is meant to BE in motion and when we try to “stop” it, all that happens is that “it” gets bigger. Just like building a dam in a stream, the emotion will find the path of least resistance and will not be stopped but will flow to the weakest point. If you understand this and are willing to address your weak spots and strengthen them, there will be no need to seek out or avoid certain feelings. Instead, you will be able to allow emotion to hit you, like the wind and then let it go. Eastern philosophies teach that the sapling can fare the storm best because it is flexible enough to bend with the winds of change. I think they may be on to something! 😛

The Real Epidemic

I think it’s tragic when I read the statistics about obesity, childhood diabetes and the myriad of other diseases that can be so easily cured or avoided. Everyone says it’s reached epidemic proportions but it appears to me to be more of a byproduct. I believe that at the root of it all, as it is with everything, is the lack of connection.

Everything we have in this world has come to us through a relationship. Our families, our homes, our cars; there is nothing that isn’t connected to us in one way or another and the fact that we feel alone is affirmation that we are built to BE together. When we isolate ourselves, we disconnect from the All and begin to feel powerless because we KNOW we have more power when we come together whether it’s in community, in worship or for a common cause. When we collaborate to make one thing better, every thing gets better.

So, I guess the real question are:

What’s your true epidemic?
What are the feelings underlie the self-sabotaging behaviors to which we succumb?
What are your willing to give your Self TODAY to begin the healing process?

A New Wei

There’s a new definition of health and it includes how we think, how we feel and react to situations. A sense of inner peace is now considered marker for good health. Great relationships are now being considered “our primary source of nourishment”. We recognize that meditation DOES help with everything from stress to cancer and that we DO need to start eating REAL food if we want our bodies (AND our earth) to thrive. So, WHY do we allow ourselves to be convinced that these things won’t work for us or that’s too idealistic or we don’t have time, money or our socks are too loose? …blah-blah-blah?? Too many reasons to list, I AM sure 🙂 but I AM also sure that at the root of many of them we will find resistance.

We want things to change but we want to hang on to old ways of doing things. We want to grow, expand, evolve but we also want to be comfortable, avoid pain, hardship and fear. We want things to go faster but not too fast and for things to be easy but hard enough that we feel we deserve it. Resistance is not held to any one thing but will, upon examination, reveal itself in every aspect of our thinking. I guess that’s why they say “The way you do one thing is how you do everything”.

Deepak Chopra once defined happiness as “a series of moments unresisted”. I LOVE THAT! If resistance is simply not accepting what is then they key to happiness can be found in our own pocket, yes? The CDC now estimates that 87% of all diseases are caused by “emotion and the quality of our thought life”. Stress is the #1 killer and money is the #1 stressor. It’s just money, Kids! It’s not terminal 😛 So, just stop resisting what is and RELAX! It’s the new Wei

I AM…Not

Long, long ago, before I “knew who I was 🙂 I had a dream. I was in the center of a labyrinth with a Master. He asked me to join him in the walk to the puzzle’s edge and as we walked, he questioned me? or perhaps led me to answer the question of “Who Am I”. I was unaware of our progression to reach the “outside” of the maze because as I made my way through the roles I play, my past experiences, my characteristics and definitions of my Self, my family, my church, my personal vision I failed to notice that “I” was still seated in the center of the circle, still and alone.

At that moment I realized that I AM not the avatar body that walks through this ever-persistent (as Einstein liked to call it) illusion. I realized that I AM not my roles and responsibilities. I AM not my performance or my accomplishments. I AM not my bank account or my body or my failures or successes. I AM… immortal, indestructible, indescribable force that is unstoppable in ITs intent to move forward. HOW can I go wrong? Well, I know one way: People struggle to tell me what they truly want but can usually tell me with great detail what they don’t. What’s the answer: Focus on what you want to BE and not on what you are NOT because WHAT YOU FOCUS ON GROWS! just sayin’

Discomfort Zone

They say “Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone”. I don’t know why we call it our “comfort zone. I think we all know most of us are terribly UNcomfortable there. I like to call it the “Rottweiler in a Poodle Carrier” Syndrome (because it gives a GREAT visual!) We stuff themselves into these little, tiny boxes that “they” (the invisible out there) have labeled as acceptable and we (the invisible in there) try to persuade ourselves that we’re ok with it. I hate to tell you guys but the “invisible out there police” doesn’t really exist 😛 “They” are merely a reflection of You AND the judgment you fear is not really “theirs” but your own.

SO many people come to me for help building a business or a body or a bank account only to realize that it’s FREEDOM that they are really seeking. Freedom from fear, lack, worry. Freedom to do, think, feel, BE whatever IT is they want to be. But, that freedom will never be found solely in a business or a body or a bank account because freedom, like EVERY thing, grows from the inside out. It HAS to be a PART of YOU FIRST! So, you can let your Self out of the cage ANY time you like now 🙂 You are here because of a decision and you are ONE CHOICE AWAY from being ANY where else you’d rather BE

Not Today

In my Dialogue Diet we talk about nourishing words and how to stop allowing toxic internal dialogue from undermining your goals. “Just not today” is the phrase we use to step away from habitual negative self-talk and begin to create a positive and reinforcing internal conversation with ourselves because science has now proven that this makes our bodies healthier.

But today, my Danelle-ISMS Dictionary has a new definition to add to ” Just Not Today”. I was discussing earlier (thank you Miss Jill) how important it is to be aware of the messages we give to the universe. When we say “I’ll start tomorrow”, all the universe hears (as do I as a coach) is “I’m not doing anything to change today”. Because there is no tomorrow as far as this universe knows, everything remains, as you have instructed it to be, the same. Many times we hold a vision of an “invisible tomorrow”, a static moment we imagine to exist somewhere in the undisclosed future where we will be in “just the right place” and THEN we will be “ready” to begin.

Don’t let the invisible tomorrow rob you of the life you want to have TODAY. If you want peace of mind tomorrow, create peace in your mind today. If you want to be successful in the future, do what successful people do RIGHT NOW. There is no reason to wait, no time like the present, nothing stopping you, sky is the limit! And, when your own mind tries to persuade you to wait until tomorrow you can simply say “I’m not giving up! At least, NOT today!”

My Love, My Process

One of the hardest things for people to deal with is timing. No one likes to BE in “the process”. Everyone wants to “arrive” already. There are many reasons for this like fear that they won’t “get there”, not wanting to do the work or go through the hardship or just wanting PART of the process and not accepting to embrace ALL that it entails. Regardless the details, the fact of the matter is that most of us don’t like the journey and really just want the destination even though everyone who arrives says that getting there was half the fun. Am I right?

I used to start an exercise program and stick with it for a few weeks, months or even years but eventually, I would always “fall off” and have to start all over again. I went through varying degrees of “the process” but the mind-set that ultimately helped me succeed was when I decided I was never going to stop. When I took the end result away, low-and-behold, there was no ending! When I decided it was no longer about “getting” somewhere but just about what I AM doing/BEING right now, today, I fell in love with the process. I love the feeling of being victorious over the everyday battle to think what I want and feel what I want and do what I say just because I said so. I love it that I win every day 🙂 I love my process and my process loves me back and as a result of this wonderful love affair, I reach my goals and get what I want because…love is a beautiful thing!

Strength or Weakness?

I always think it’s funny when people say its weak to…show emotion, be vulnerable, ask for help, fill in the blank. My questions to them are all-ways the same, “Which would require more strength: To be honest and open with the way you feel or to be emotionally unavailable? Is it easier to endure a hardship because you’re too proud than it is to ask for help? Who is the stronger person; the one who can allow themselves to be vulnerable in front of others or the one who feels vulnerable on the inside but fanes bravado on the outside? WHO is the stronger person?”

Most times it IS harder to let go and let God than it is to try to control everything. Most times we’d rather “create it” ourselves than to allow the universe’s creations to come to us. It’s generally more uncomfortable to receive than it is to give and usually we prefer to support than to be the one supported. AND, the one that kills me the quickest is that it seems easier for most to not even try than to risk feeling like a failure. WHY is this, do you suppose? Because we’re salted nutballs, that’s why!!

Our egos have away of convincing us that we’re ok with not being happier, healthier, wealthier, blah because “we don’t want to be greedy”, or “selfish”, or some other such nonsense. I will never stop growing into bigger and better things but that doesn’t mean I’m not content where I AM. In fact, nothing is further from the truth. There may be ups and downs, season within cycles but I know, ultimately, evolution always happens forward. And, I, FOR ONE, AM going to enjoy the ride 🙂

Mental Endurance 101: Re-Writing the Neural Net

Just as Mental Strength is to BEHAVE as we CHOOSE, Mental Endurance would be to continually make this choice until your belief has turned into knowing. We may KNOW that we have the power to choose the way we react but that doesn’t stop the FEELINGS we experience. We must learn how to navigate our way through our emotions, grab ahold of our thoughts and create a mind-set that allows us to experience new feelings with each new situation as opposed to reverting back to old feelings left over from the past. When we do this we are creating new pathways in our neural net so we can close the door to painful memories that stop us from living freely in The Now. When this has been accomplished, there will be no more need to “fight” our feelings and the practice, we call “Rolling it Over”, looks something like this:

Navigating Negative Emotions

1. DON’T AVOID THE FEELING
Put words to the emotion
Label it: WHAT am I feeling right now?
Listen to it: Are there words/internal dialogue that go with the feelings?

2. INTROSPECTION: ASK QUESTIONS OF YOURSELF
Where does the feeling come from?
Is it a memory of a past event & feeling?
When did I 1st experience this feeling?
What/who triggered the feeling in me today?
Why am I reacting in this way?
Am I seeing the situation clearly?
Is this “real” or just energy flowing to an emotional wound/weak spot?

What is the truth/MY TRUTH
What do I really believe?
Is it true for everyone else or just me?
What affirmations of truth will help me break through the illusion?

3. CHOOSE
Choose to stand in truth even though you may not FEEL like it’s the truth
Choose to think about what you want to think about
Choose to feel how you want to feel
Choose your behavior

Want vs Willing

It’s my job, and a GREAT job it is, to maximize the human potential and help people get what they want. This can, as you may imagine, be a little tricky at times. The very first thing I have to discern is whether or not what a client SAYS they want is really what they want or just something they think they want or maybe something they’re afraid they can never have OR something they think will get them something ELSE they think they need, like approval. These are just a few examples of the puzzle of transforming desire into action.

Everyone Wants but the problem seems to come when we want only part of the package. Like wanting a healthy body but not wanting to practice the simple disciplines of LIVING a healthy lifestyle or wanting to be debt-free but not wanting to budget our money, want can only go as far as we are willing to allow it. If we are not willing to do what needs to be done to complete a goal, our desire will go forever unfulfilled.

Once upon a time, long, long ago when I was working for other people, I had a job to complete. Because of the failure of OTHERS to complete THEIR jobs, (aka ME and my illusion used to mask my own fear) we were required give up our Labor Day vacation to meet our deadline. While on the phone in a futile attempt to extend our deadline with the builder, she said something that changed my life forever. She said, “I guess you’ll have to ask yourself if its worth it”. At that moment I decided. I didn’t decide whether or not to complete the job. That was a must because I was committed. I didn’t decide whether or not to continue working for that builder. I would not. What I decided was that I was willing. I was willing to do whatever it took to take control of my bank account and MY life. Even though we were self-employed, we were still working for other people, THAT paradigm shift changed my life and I AM forever grateful for my painful little lesson because, not only did it free me from the conflict of want and willing, IT just freed me, period!

Mental Strength 101: Belief

Most of us tend to forget (or maybe don’t know) that our minds are 95% subconscious/unconscious. We have a tendency to forget that our behaviors are driven by our past experiences, hopes, fears and underlying belief systems aka the stories that are locked up in the unknown part of the mind. Evidence of this can be found in the fact that we all know what we need to do to make our lives better but most of us struggle to “make” ourselves move in the direction of our goals. In fact, many of us have a hard time even stopping ourselves from moving the opposite way!

The Goal: ACT As You CHOOSE: When we act as we choose we deliberately move through the process of reaching our goals and creating our lives. Our actions are driven by our understanding that the Process promises success provided I put forth the “cause” that will bring the desired “effect”. Our behaviors cannot be driven by past experiences because we are in the process of creating something we’ve never done before. And, beliefs can only take us so far. We have to ACT so we KNOW then we don’t have to believe it anymore! And as for fear, we have to deal with it one way or another. You can avoid it but guess what? It’s still there. And guess what again 🙂 Whatever story you have written can be re-written. Just take our your pen and BEGIN!

The Trinity

According to the American Council on Exercise, there are 3 major components to fitness 1) Strength 2) Endurance and 3) Flexibility. In META-Physique, I have taken this wonderfully whole approach to create a foundational trinity upon which can be built a life of health, spiritual connection, great relationships, financial independence, time freedom and an inner sense of peace, power and purpose.

Let me show you how it works! If we apply these three components to the Mind, for example, one would practice 1)Mental Strength 2) Mental Endurance 3) Mental Flexibility. Mental strength would mean building your ability to think what you want, when you want as well as the ability to shut off the mind from certain thoughts, taking control of the subconscious mind, learning the art of attention etc. Mental Endurance would entail being able to concentrate for extended periods of time, being able to solve complex problems and hold a mind-set for days, months, years, whatever. And, Mental Flexibility would look like the ability to take in new information, integrate ideas to come up with new solutions and basically thinking outside of the box. Get it! (I know I’m a dork BUT I just LOVE this stuff 🙂 This is what Mommy does to amuse herself!! LOL)

Over the years I have integrated and taught these ideas through Eastern and western philosophy, psychology, physics, world religions, neurobiology etc, applying them to the various “bodies” or aspects of self: emotional, mental, physical, spiritual. These core concepts form the basis of my coaching technique, my overall approach to well-being and my outlook on life. THIS is Meta-Physique and I’m ready to begin… Are you?

A Terrible Master

When I first started studying, one of the first things Spirit taught me was that my mind was weak and lacked discipline. It was a Sunday evening and, as I did every Sunday evening, I was dreading going to work the next day, hating my job and trying to figure out how to make money doing something I loved. The problem was that I didn’t KNOW what I loved ( I really did but I refused to see it because I was too afraid to “believe” it). For me, as it is for many, I couldn’t “get to” life until I figured out how to make a living. Tell me this doesn’t sound right, RIGHT?!

As my mind spun out of control, sensing the answers were right in front of me yet knowing I couldn’t quite grasp them, I heard the small, still voice of Sprint say “Have you ever noticed that the more you try to control things, the more out of control you get?”. If I say “Don’t think about pink elephants”, that is exactly what pops into my mind! I wouldn’t learn the difference between power and control for many years but this was the beginning of understanding my mind, how it works and how to master it. “Your mind is a wonderful tool but a terrible master”, said Spirit. Don’t let it drive the car!”

The Moral of the Story: GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!! 😛 just sayin’

The Sink-In Factor

I’ll never forget the day when I was driving to meet my first client after going through my real estate licensing course. I was SO nervous and just kept repeating to myself, ” I am a realtor. I AM a realtor!” I didn’t feel like one, obviously, but I had to capture the mind-set that, as little as I knew, I still knew more than them. If there was going to be an expert amongst the group, it was GOING to be me! And, things worked out fine, as they always do but it still serves as my Danellism for “the sink-in factor”.

It takes a moment for things to sink into our reality (which, if given some thought, could intrigue the heck out of you!) like it IS 2015 now or “I DID just win the lottery!”. Personal development is the same way. You can KNOW you’re good enough or that you deserve but you might not allow that to really “sink into” your reality. You may understand with your mind that your life could be completely different a year from now or that there’s no reason why you can’t make $100k a month instead of a year but if you don’t “realize” it then how can it become “real”?

We MUST practice this every day because manifestation is ALL about the way we feel AND because the whole universe runs on frequency. What our teachers called daydreaming is what we now call visualization 😛 and IT has been proven to work! Imagine what life will look like, FEEL like, when you reach your goal. The more you can pull that feeling into the NOW, the faster it sinks in and the sooner you get to your result. If you made it this far, you’re on your way to going all the way! So, daydream away, Kids! You now have permission to imagine yourself into your future! And if someone says they don’t believe you, tell them to take it up with our friend, Mr. Einstein. He’s the one who said, “This is not philosophy. This is physics.”

I’m Not Too Proud

I LOVE my job but sometimes it can be tricky. People come to me to help them accomplish what they “can’t” accomplish on their own and I take that privilege very seriously. I’m not too proud to trick you, poke at you or use your weakness against you because, as I’ve said before, I’ll do whatever I have to do to get the job done.

Now, don’t think I don’t do this same thing to myself. How do you think I learned how to do it?! 😀 My intent with this was to re-launch META-Physique on 1/5/15. My intent was to post, as I have in the past, a few times a week because… I’m a busy girl! LoL But, apparently, my Publishing finger couldn’t wait to hit the button so changed my mind at the last minute. I read somewhere that the average New Year’s resolution lasts only an average of 8 days and it floored me! “I’ll write every day for 8 days about how to make a choice, make a change and follow through just because you said so. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

About 5 days in, I realized that my real intent, my True intend, my FIRST intent for this year was to move forward with my writing. I remembered an early client who said he wanted more than anything to be a writer. Every week I would ask him, “Did you write?” and every week he would come back with a resounding “no”. I remember trying desperately to persuade him because he was REALLY good and I KNEW if he would just write every day, his novel would be done by the end of the year. As I remembered him and the lesson he reflected to me, I KNEW what I had to do to reach my goal was exactly the same thing: write every day. And THEN I realized that I had promptly forgotten this when making my plan and that my not-so-long-lost-but-nicely-tucked-away resistance to step forward was still there, glaring me in the face.

SOOOO, I guess I AM going to continue writing every day… I will gather ALL those tiny slips of paper that spill over from my closet with ideas and notes on things about which I’d like to write. I will begin to organize the nearly 7 half-written books that adorn the shelf in that very same closet and choose… to get ONE out there and then the next. I’m so happy that I know mySELF well enough to know that once I get a few days into something, I’m too stubborn to stop so all I have to do is trick myself into doing it. And, I’m so gratefull that I’ve BEcome wise enough to know how to turn my stubbornness into strength. Thanks, you guys ❤ I couldn't have done it without YOU!

2015: A Year of Achievement

Congratulations! If you’ve made it to the 8th day of sticking to your New Year’s resolution, the chances you’re going to make it a reality just got exponentially larger!! If you’re thinking about quitting, DON’T! If you fell down already, IT’S NOT TOO LATE to get back up and keep trying! This is exactly what I believe 2015 is all about; pushing through our personal barriers to walk the walk, take control of our actions and LIVE the life we truly want to be living. Its time for new ways of doing things: business, problem solving, being in relationship with ourselves and each other, with our bodies and the earth, our universe, our bank accounts, our God and our very way of BEing. Its time to connect and join forces so we can impact the world with the kind of change we all want to see. It’s time!

This isn’t tricky, Kids. In fact, its very simple. We have to BE BEFORE we BECOME. By this I mean that if you want to be a writer, write. If you want to be a non-smoker, don’t smoke. If you want to be peaceful, stop worrying. (and YES it IS that easy!) If you want to be healthy, do things that healthy people do. We make it complicated and harder than it has to be but in reality, IT IS that SIMPLE. I believe this is the year to MAKE it simple because THAT is what works. Success is a lifestyle. If you live like a success, YOU WILL BE A SUCCESS. Doesn’t get much simpler than that 🙂

True Decisions

I had a client come in several years ago and he was so excited to tell me that THIS was THE year that he was going to follow through with his decision to lose weight. “Do YOU think I’m going to lose weight this year?”, he asked. And, for those of you who know me, WHAT do you suppose Mama said?? 🙂 The coach inside of me bristles slightly when someone THINKS they’re making a decision but in reality, they are not truly committed.

A decision, a TRUE decision isn’t just a moment, it’s a mind-set. It includes a visual, a plan, an outcome, an environment of success, something to capture and channel your intent and how you plan to execute it to acquire your desired result. It takes me weeks, sometimes months to prepare for a lifestyle change but when I step in, I’m ALL in. The first step is my favorite one because I know I AM moving, inch by inch, towards my goal. There is no doubt that I’m going to get there. There’s only excitement. I know I AM going to arrive because I’m not going to stop until I do!

A decision, a TRUE decision is the understanding that this is not A choice but a series of choices I will have to make in all the days that follow this one. That every choice I make will take me one of two directions: towards my goal of away from it. EVERY CHOICE COUNTS!

Choose to Win

The creative process is a funny thing. It seems like a truly relative experience but strangely enough (or not), we all seem to follow the same basic patterns when it comes to creating…anything. At first, its exciting, the thought of actually arriving at the desired result, whether its a body or a book or a bigger bank account. We set out with slight trepidation about how we will navigate the process but mostly we are optimistic and confident in our ability to change.

Then, we hit the road emotional/mental/psychological roadblock and we discover the process is harder than it first appeared. This is most likely not really the case but rather the ego trying desperately to keep things status quo. Nonetheless, we become discouraged when our expectations are not met (Why we have expectations about how things will go when most likely we have never done this before, is also proof that our not-so-bright ego is working against us.) and we are tempted to stop.

It is at this moment that masters are made, the moment when we decide to keep pushing on or give up. This is also the moment when a life coach is on the edge of her seat waiting to see what the process is going to look like. Are they ready to move? Will they choose to move on? Or will they choose to fail one more time? Will they choose to move in the direction they want to go or will they move the opposite way? Not knowing that they are ONE CHOICE AWAY from being anywhere they want to BE! I think this is why I succeed, as a coach and in life, because I don’t lose these battles. I may choose to surrender later but I refuse to give up unless it’s My choice, MY terms! Don’t let the heat of the moment deter you. Push past your frustration, your fear and discomfort. If then you choose then to change your mind, you will still feel powerful because you will know it was a TRUE DECISION.

Link to Just…Danelle “Process & the Present Moment” https://justathoughtbydanelle.wordpress.com/2011/01/24/process-the-present-moment/

Home Sweet Home

Laniakea Super Cluster

It’s so easy to get caught up in the crazy little stories we write in our heads. People ask me every day how to overcome these stories… about the past, about who they are, or who they think they are, or what they think they are not. If we are on day 5 of an 8-day average for a New Year’s Resolution, I’m sure one must be hearing some of these dramatic little stories. We’ve all heard the classic hits like “I Can’t Do This” and “I Don’t Really Want It” (sometimes heard as “I Don’t Really Need It”). Or, there’s always the procrastinators favorite, ” Now is Just Not the Right Time”.

The funny thing is that we recapture a truer perspective when something that REALLY matters happens, like a death or life-changing experience. I’ve had a lot of those experiences in my life and I’ve learned to revel in the days when nothing that REALLY matters happens. This “Truth Perspective” makes it easier for me to remember that I have the power to choose the stories I tell myself and I can write any dang story I want! 🙂 Now, those are the stories I put permanently on my shelf!

The picture above is “A slice of the Laniakea Supercluster in the supergalactic equatorial plane” (says Universe Today). It lies far beyond the Milky Way and that little red dot, dangling on the end? Home Sweet Home. How’s THAT for a larger perspective??

Balance AnyONE?

There’s an old story about a grandfather teaching his granddaughter about life. He told the child that we all have two wolves, one on each shoulder. “One wolf”, he said” is light and wants to do good for others and the other is dark and wants to serve himself. Life is a battle between these two wolves.” The child asks her elder “Well, which wolf wins?” to which he replies, “Whichever one you feed”. I love this story but of course I’m going to say that it’s not the WHOLE story 🙂 For me, life is about integration. The saying is that “The One divided Itself so that we may know life” so it’s important that we PRACTICE SEEING beyond the duality of the universe to realize the WHOLENESS and ONENESS of IT ALL.

I believe one of the major reasons why so many fail to stick to their New Year’s resolutions regarding health is that the approach they’re taking is imbalanced. Isn’t THIS really the root of the problem? If the reason why you are unhealthy is because you are living in an imbalanced way (i.e. eating too much junk food or not exercising regularly) then isn’t it illogical to think that this mind-set will in any way help get you healthy?

Instead, you might try making small changes. It’s been proven to work. Settle in. We’re going to be here a while. Remember, you didn’t get here over night and we don’t “get there” overnight either. And, I encourage you to spend some time reflecting on what’s standing in the way of your success. Life-Force is constantly pushing us towards balance. Its our natural wei. How are you pushing against it? And, why? If you can find what’s driving your behavior, the “META” cause, then the effect, which is alignment with Every Thing, happens. Its like jumping into a stream that’s headed in the direction you want to go. All you have to do is SHOW UP and hang on for the ride!

Will Power

Statistics say that the average New Year Resolution lasts about eight days. 8 DAYS! As a life coach I understand the things that stop people from doing what they say they want to do but lack of willpower is NOT one of them. “I can’t” is a limitation that exists only in the mind. It is an excuse offered up by the ego to keep us where we don’t want to BE. Nothing is “bigger” that you. No Thing is stronger than you. Its your CHOICE!

I have learned that the True Self, the higher soul of your BEing will not allow Itself to be diminished to something so miniscule as the number on the scale or the back of your jeans. When we think our Selves in this limited way, that we are our bodies or bank accounts, successes or failures, we move against Nature. It’s so important we remember that the laws of the universe don’t break although we may choose to break our Selves against them.

WE are timeless, limitless, Divine Consciousness. We are made from the stars. We are an integral part of this miraculous Oneness, the mysterious universe of which we know next to nothing. We must move beyond the illusions of who we think are or who we think we should be and REMEMBER OUR TRUE ESSENCE. When we align our Selves with ALL there IS, our Will becomes truly our own. Only then will we know true freedom.

Realted Post: Riddle of the Universe

Cravings

The universe doesn’t like voids. If I dig a hole in the ground, eventually it will fill up with soil and seed and LIFE because that’s the way our universe works. So, you can image if a childhood trauma creates a void in the energy body, how relentlessly it will attempt to fill that void in any way you will allow. This is what we experience as a craving. It may be food or shopping or sex, drugs or alcohol. It may be toxic thoughts or words or addiction to bad behaviors. Where ever our weak spot may be, the universe will find ITs Wei to fill that void with SOMETHING until we heal the wound and fill the void with love and understanding.

Many times the inability to fight these craving is perceived and labeled as weakness but this is simply just not true. Its like trying to use a ladle to remove a whirlpool from the stream. If you truly hope to alter the flow of the waters you must adjust the grade of the riverbed. In other words, we must identify and re-write faulty beliefs systems if we hope to take control of our behaviors. It’s not a matter of strength but a matter of approach.

Try listening to your body rather than dismissing it. When we honor the painful experiences of our lives, we embrace the opportunity to find the lesson, the purpose and the perfection that underlies this crazy and miraculous thing we call life. Try it on sometime 🙂 I’ll bet it looks REALLY good on YOU!!!

Related Blogs: Body Barometer

AmaturasWHO?

Amaturasu is a Shinto goddess of Light. She became so upset when her brother, the storm god sent devastating weather to her beautiful planet that she retreated into a cave and the world became dark and cold. They tried everything to coax her out but nothing worked until they placed a mirror at the entrance of the cave. She became so filled with joy at the sight of her own Light, her heart opened and once again the world would be blessed with her beauty.

I have to say that it stung a little to open this blog and see that I haven’t written in 2 years. But, I tell my clients “what you call failure, I call practice. It’s only failure when you stop trying”. SOOO, here I AM, ready to come out of the cave and share my Light with the world, encouraging you all to do the same because the world could use your Light right now

NAMSTE 🙂

The Dialogue Diet

I love Integrative Nutrition because it recognizes the fact that food is not our primary source of nourishment. They teach their students that our mental and emotional state as well our spiritual connection feed more than our our hearts and souls but they feed our our physical bodies  as well.

Think about your internal dialogue, they way you speak to yourself, as food. You may realize you’re not “feeding” yourself very well. Do you indulge in things that bring harm to the body like shame or guilt? Do you nourish and encourage your Self or are you critical and unforgiving? How do you FEEL about your body, food, exercise? If science is correct and emotion and thought cause 90% of all disease, I think it’s important to practice discretion! The Dialogue Diet is simply the practice of feeding yourself well every day. If you wouldn’t say it to your daughters, your nephews or your grandchildren, why is it ok to say it to yourself!!

Front Burner

People often tell me that their family is what’s most important to them. They tell me that family and relationship is what they value most, what I call “the front burner”. Then, they proceed to tell me that they work 70 hours a week to “serve the family”. What I see is that they have now pushed what they value most to the back burner, not because they don’t value it but out of fear. Because they feel they “must”.

When we live our lives from our values, our lives become valuable. That value may come in the form of relationships, health or money but the Law of Reciprocal Energy, upon which this entire Universe is built, says that what I give to the Universe, the Universe will give to me. What I take from the Universe, the Universe will take from me. So simple.

But simple doesn’t mean easy. We have to fight ourselves down, face the fears, embrace the truth and quiet the egos. This is a process but one that we can learn and integrate into our lives. Live your life as though it were the end. What will you say made you a success in your life and live your life from there!

Body Barometer

Energy flows to it’s weakest point. This happens in hydraulics, it happens in nature, and it happens with the flow of our emotional energy as well. If I tell you that I like your outfit and you ask me if I think you look fat, energy has just flowed to an emotional weak spot. The way you view reality, my comment and my intent, has a skew that is rooted in fear or insecurity that you’re not good enough. I think this a great little set-up in the body and I call it the Body Barometer. The body tells you, through its feelings, that there is a source of pain, an imbalance, a wound that needs to be healed. Energy will always flow to that weak spot, that wound, until it is healed. If you just practice becoming aware and practice listening to your own mind and what your body is feeling, you’ll start to see the clues. If it feels good, honor that and if it doesn’t feel good, don’t avoid it! Drive through the center of it, question it and claim it as yours because it IS your choice to think or not think, to feel or not feel, anything you want to experience. It a choice & the choice is YOURS!!

Let the Children Play

The Elders said “Before the eyes can see the clear vision of Spirit, the must have grown incapable of tears… of wounded pride,unkind criticism, unmerited abuse, the annoyances, failures and disappointments of everyday life.” On the material plane, we are constantly at the mercy of others on the same plane. Rather than fight against what is, one should seek to rise above and dwell in the upper reaches of Mind & Spirit. Seek to live above it all, the childish games of child-like men and live your life based on things you value the most. In doing so you can smile through the tears becuase you understand that children grow and we WILL evolve because we must.

Fear

I’ve have found over the years that most fears fall into 2 categories: internal & external. I label the external fear “the invisible wave of fate”. We think some big wave of fate is going to sweep through our lives and take things from us. This would include fears about money, health or losing a loved one. Most of the fears can be alleviated by a “gratitude attitude”, being thankful for the things we do have instead of being focused on losing or lack.
Then we have the bigger fears which are internally generated like the fear that we don’t deserve, won’t be accepted for who we really are, that we’re not good enough or smart enough to create the life we really want to have and these fears are generally not anchored in reality. These are things that are generated by a faulty perception of our Selves, our ability or our worth.
Most of these fears are created within us when we are very young children. Something may have happened in our childhood when our parents told us you should do this or be that and all those memories, and the emotions that go along with them, get internalized with the interpretation & rationale of a child. But as children we can’t comprehend this. Unless we’re taught that we are not our behavior or our performance, our bodies or our bank accounts, we begin to feel the “real me” isn’t good enough. So we start to alter our behavior and our very Selves to please others and we begin to fear that who we were born to be isn’t good enough.

Hear the rest of our conversation on KYMN Radio, The Quest

You’ll Bounce!

Leaping into the unknown is sometimes like being in the basement with the lights off. Your senses turn up a notch, you have to feel, sense, grope and sometimes guess! It’s a little scary even though you don’t know why. Your emotions rise and even though your rational mind tells you there’s nothing to fear, a part of you feels like a scared kid that wants to run from the darkness as fast as you can.

I had a client tell me about a dream she had about skydiving. She said she knew she that had to face her fears before she could leap into ner new life. She was scared to death and wanted the jump instructor to check her parachute one more time, just to be sure she was safe. She tapped the instructor on the shoulder to request one final check when she realized it was me. She said I smiled at her, ripped the parachute off her back and threw her out of the plane. I was smiling as I screamed after her “Don’t worry! You’ll bounce!”

Lots of times we think we’ll die if we take the leap but I promise you won’t. You’ll bounce!